The past week has been one of the most heart-wrenching for me as a mother that I've experienced in 10 years. Last time I had such a struggle, my babies were just the victims, and I was in full on protection mode - I simply acted. This time around - one of those babies had made his own bed at 16, and had to figure out his own way out. I was pretty powerless to help. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, I had worried myself into a "dither." And even though I was crying out to God, turning him over to God, I couldn't help the worry. I tried to talk myself into sense, but it was exhausting. I have now learned that someone was praying very specifically for me yesterday. God heard those prayers and provided my boy with some wisdom and God moved through our family. There was reconcilliation where there was previously much discord. I'm so thankful that I knew to look to God. Even as I worried, I knew to turn him over to God.
I can also tell you that I used so many of my skills learned in al-anon. I could feel myself getting freaked out - acting on emotion rather than hearing what was true. I was immediately jumping to what do I need to do thinking, when really, I couldn't control or cure the situation. I'm exhausted from this weekend, but I can also see the good things. The answered prayers, the realizing my stinking thinking in the middle of it, and re-directing to the truth.
It's kind of amazing that I ever made it through a day before Al-Anon. And this wasn't even a direct Alcohol situtation. Although really, most of the situations we face are colored by the alcoholic's input. I'm clinging to the truth - I have to live and let live - even when that person is my child. I have to let Go and let God - even when that person is my child. I have to take it easy - even when it is my child.
Okay, let's take on the day!