Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Looking Back, Looking Forward - Happy New Year

I really don't care for the holidays anymore.  Pretty much after my ex-husband punched me in the face in the car in front of our children on the way to his parents' house, my view of them went steadily down hill.   Since that year, there have been bad holidays with a capital B (as if that weren't the worst one...) and there have been good holidays.  There have been times I've really felt the nearness of God and the world looked pretty good.  Remarkably this was more of the pretty good variety.  Even with having to dish out about six grand on 3 home/appliance/features that are required for 1st world living - or even 2nd world living.  There weren't any big gifts or fancy celebrations.  It was just calm, mostly.
I guess that is what I see when I look back over the last year.  The skills I've learned and the changes that I've made in me over the last 6 years because of Al-Anon have really started to be obvious to me.  I can see when I still screw up - we are all our worst critic.  But I can also see the times when I've said to myself, "Self, this is not your problem.  You don't need to pick it up.  Set it back down and let him deal with his issue."  I still talk to myself in my head, but if that's all it takes to be crazy, I think the mental facilities would be even more overloaded.
In other ways, it's been hard this year - a dear friend losing her son, loved ones dying, people hurting.  Injustice and unfairness rule the day, but in the end - God is still the God of Miracles.  He is bigger than any suffering or calamity.
Fortunately, that is the God I am claiming as 2014 brings a second child going off to college (please pray with me - one more semester - Cs please, just Cs - thank you!), our baby driving (EEK!), and life moving forward as life does.

Thank you for helping me learn that through my endless rambling to the great unknown.

Wishing you and your loved ones a healthy, safe and peaceful new year.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Twice in one day?

My Thoughts Exactly!
I saw this and thought it summed up the week perfectly.  But they still ask me what's for dinner.  Every.Single.Day.

At least I can laugh!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

This year, I've been asked and asked what I want for Christmas.  It seems like it gets harder and harder for me to figure out what I want.  Maybe it's because I've gotten older and wiser, and now I know that what I'd really like can't be bought or even brought down the chimney.  It's been a real heck of a year, some things good, some things not so good, and here we are looking back.
Santa, I've been a really good girl, and thanks for thinking of me, but really, I just want the peace that passes understanding.  And, mostly, I've got that when I can lay down my need to control, or at least the delusion of control.  God is so good, and I see Him at work even in the midst of the trials we face.
I would like to help my friend who is suffering the loss of her son.  I'd like my husband to get sober.  Not just quit drinking, but really get sober.  It would be fabulous if my son could get the grades that truly reflect his intelligence and ability.  I'd like for my children to feel the love and adoration of a father more days than they feel cast aside by him.  I'd like for my best friend to not have money worries every day.  I'd like children to stop dying of cancer and being shot by people who are crazy.  I'd like our government to make more sense and better choices.
Yep, it sounds like I'm delusional.  Oh well, Santa.  I guess I'll just have to settle for the furnace and refrigerator that were so kind to go out on the same day. 
But thanks for reminding me that the best gifts don't cost a thing.