Sunday, July 29, 2012

Sometimes the words still sting

This has been a weekend, not unlike many other weekends.  What I have figured out is that even with the most clear-headed thinking, even with al-anon, even with knowing what is true, and having a higher power to  help with every day, sometimes the words of an alcoholic still sting.  I do find that all of these assets I listed above make the sting last a little shorter time, and don't cut quite so deeply, but they still hurt just the same.  I suppose this has been a time of realizing that the alcoholism is progressing, and yes, I am powerless to stop it.  I read a post by Syd over on I'm Just F.I.N.E. and it really hit me.  Knowing that my kids are suffering is hard, but knowing I'm doing all I can to talk about this disease and keep what is real identified.  Ugh - this is hard and I'm not really liking it today.  Even the details aren't that different.  Perhaps what is different is not taking everything personally and realizing that the words are really aimed at himself.  And that's really sad.
God is good and the weather is lovely, so I am going to concentrate on that.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Another hot one

It's another incredibly hot, dry day in the neighborhood.  Seriously, I'm starting to feel like a lizard.  Ick!  Pretty calm here, and that is probably my favorite adjective ever to describe life.  Jack took all three kids to an amusement park and they spent the night in a hotel.  Can you say - happy mama!  They called and it sounds like they're having a blast - so glad to hear that!  I spent the time with a nap after work, snack food for dinner and reading before bed.  It was divine.
Jack's doctor's appointment (what I know of it) went well.  He was not 100% revealing about what was discussed, but he did attempt to cut down on his intake of alcohol for the past week or so.  I don't know what the liver function test results were, but I know he's not going to tell me!  LT likes his job, and I'm so glad.  Unfortunately, I busted him again trying to over-ride the electronics rules and controls, so I don't think the permit will be happening any time soon.  I wish he would learn the lesson about lying v. truth.  Seriously - get it already.
Reading a book, Calling Invisible Women.  It's kind of amusing, but not in a laugh-out-loud kind of funny.  I'm enjoying it, nonetheless. I think people today are missing so much with all of the electronics (yes, memaw has arrived and stolen my blog).  I LOVE reading.  I love how you can be transported to a time and place and forget the world.  It's an escape that TV/movies, etc. don't give me, personally.
Ready to begin a new knitting project too.  I wonder when it's time to retire.  I have too many fun things to do to work all day! 
God's blessings are everywhere - just look!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Enjoying the Journey

Thanks for all your kind thoughts and words.  Anniversary was fun.  Won some money at the casino, which NEVER happens, but it finally did and it's a lot more fun when you do!  Weird how we can spend hours in the car together, have great conversations, and then evening comes, computer comes out, porn invades with beer, and a different person inhabits our home.  Sad on one level, but I feel so much better about life, alcoholism, etc. now than I did 5 years ago. 
It's been good news for kids, they had fun on their excursion, and LT starts his job this week!! WOOO HOOOO!!!  After 5 calls per half day - the kids are driving me crazy spending too much time together.  This should help!  I hope!   Now to get him a driver's permit.  Yikes.  Well, I guess we are bringing them up to be "adults", not children who never leave and don't have their own life....Okay, it's all good.
Finished the book, One Moment, One Morning (or the other way around?!).  It was fantastic, and so true about how one of the characters describes her involvement with her alcoholic BF.  Something you don't often find in books. 
Jack goes to the doctor today.  The blood tests they did included liver function.  I'm anxious to hear if he has anything to say about it. 
Lunch interview for a project, so I'd better hit it.  So glad to see some beautiful clouds this morning with sun shining through.  Reminds me that today is a new day.  New Mercies.  Fantastic.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Happy Anniversary Eve

Well, tomorrow is our anniversary.  For the first time in forever, I have no expecations, and I'm really thankful that I have great kids, great friends, family who love us, and really, a great husband when he is one.  For all the rest, I'm thankful to al-anon for where I am and that I am working on me.  I love this one thing I read that said if it's good for me, it's good for the alcoholic.  That helps me to stay sane, and judge better what is reasonable.  Not just normal, because that can be very skewed in a relationship with an alcoholic. 
I'm reading a fabulous book recommended by Still Me Only StrongerOne Moment, One Morning by Sarah Rayner.  She was so right about the descriptions of the character who is in a relationship with an alcoholic.  I'm not done yet, but it is a great read.  If you are so inclined, look for a my favorite books section soon.  I loved hers and am going to copy the idea (with her permission, and thank you!!). 
I'll let you know what excitement goes on for the anniversary.  In the meantime, stay well, and know I'm praying for you.