Thursday, November 21, 2013

Bad Things Happen to Good People

It has been a long week.  The whole full moon is usually enough, that and the constant ongoing pissing match between Jack and LT.  One would think that could be enough.  But last weekend, everything got put into perspective because a dear friend lost her son in a fire.  He was overcome by smoke.  He was graduating in one month from college - the first of her children to do so.  He was the kind of son you dream of - kind, thoughtful, handsome, smart, friendly, loving.  He had accepted a great job in a fun new town - far enough away to be on his own, but close enough to drive there to visit, and always be home for the holdiays.  Except this is not going to be like any other holiday season before or after.  He's gone.  God works in such amazing ways to draw her friends close to her, family already is blessedly close in both distance and emotionally.  My heart breaks over and over every day for her loss.

But this experience has helped me to see that what is important isn't whether Jack agrees with all of LTs actions.  It isn't even if Jack ever stops drinking.  It is the fact that our children are here, they are mostly healthy, and we have each other.  Not that these family members of mine are making it easy to stay focused on that...they love to push the envelope of my sanity.  LT has been accepted by 3 colleges.  He seems to think that his last year of grades don't matter now.  I wish that were true, but I don't think that's the case.  Jack is having another hoarder recovery moment.  Who knows what we'll be getting rid of this time.  So far, it has been the past tendency to get rid of a few small things, like 3 of his, then for him to tell me that I have too much junk. So the cabinets of displayed items of his stay right where they are and I get rid of everything that's not nailed down that didn't belong to my grandmothers, and in 6-9 months we'll be right back here again.

Ironically he always asks me why we keep repeating these same cycles....hmmmmm, let me see - could I make an educated guess?  Yeah, well, he's not going to hear anything coming from my mouth, so I just say - well, it seems like this happens each fall.  Why do you think that is?  To which he never has an answer.  I still don't think he sees this as anything other than my problem.  Oh well,  that's okay.  I do see the truth, and when I keep making changes for me, things get better for a longer stretch of time.  And that is good for me.

In the end, I'm afraid that his body will start to suffer the effects of this long-term alcohol abuse.  I don't want him to suffer, but I can't lift that burden from him.

Hope you take this day and find an amazing gift from God.  There are no promises of tomorrow, and I choose to keep looking for the good.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Life Continues

So many days I think of so much I want to write - then daily life gets in the way, and I'm tired, and it's sleep or turn on the computer and I choose sleep.
Much has gone on, and yet nothing changes.  Other things change so much, I can't keep up.
Here's a list...
1.  Mom has done fabulous with her knee replacement - now looking forward to the second one. You can't keep her down much - reminds me of Judy!  Hopefully this one will go as smoothly and she'll be a new woman.
2. LT has turned 18. I really can't believe it.  Still.  We went to two out-of-state colleges last weekend and he liked them both.  But he can't seem to get up for high school - so I struggle with him spending more than $25,000 per year at an out-of-state school - if he's going to sleep through half of it.  Grrr.  I'm trying to let go of this and hope that God is working on him at HIS pace and in HIS time, this will stop being such an issue.  He's driving with his grandpa and some with me while we were gone - I'm pretty sure I won't be encouraging him to get his license just yet.  There was some careening onto highway ramps that caused me alarm.  I think he feels like it's a video game - and it is NOT!
3.  Abby has a job, a place of her own, and broke up with her on-again/off-again boyfriend.  That was a good decision, but I don't know if she's going to keep it that way.  He's needy and she likes to have someone to caretake, so we'll see.  Job seems to be going really well.  I think she needs to know herself before she can be ready to know if she's in love, but that's just me.  I sound like such an old codger!
4.  Maggie continues to bop along, turning 16 soon.  FRIGHTENING - can you say dating at age 30 - maybe!  So far, her seeing the brother all the time shows her what boys are really like, so she's not interested yet - but when she is - oh man, look out.  She's very cute and spunky, and she has a mind of her own.  Look out boys!
5.  Jack continues as usual.  Some days are good and somedays are hard and today is one of them.  Currently he's not talking to me about being angry that I don't fix LT and his habitual lateness.  But I'm not supposed to wake him up.  So there is that problem.  I just go on with life, and shoot for being the wife God calls me to be and not be reactive to how he chooses to act - either good or bad - just be myself.  Usually works pretty well, but we've both been sick for the last week, so it has been trying :-) To say the least.
As others have noted, the change of weather for fall, especially with the wet, cold, damp weather, doesn't help anything.  We change times on Saturday, so hopefully that will at least allow some light to be present when we are actually out and about. 
God knows the plan, and I trust Him in all things. 
Hanging on to Him.
Enjoy the sunshine when you see it,