Thursday, October 18, 2012

More of Me

I have been confronted with a stunning realiztion - my kids need more of me.
How can this be?  I live for these children.  I've finally learned to not be all up in the alcoholic crazy every day, but after reading this post: ...Maybe They Need More of You, I realize that I've been removing myself from fully listening and being present with my kids.  As teenagers, they need me now more than ever. I'm sitting here kicking myself for LT's grades in the first 9 weeks.  I was watching them every day, and he seemed to be doing well, so I let it go, and thought he had it all under control.  Well, now after the first grading period, he's NOT doing well at all.  College ?  Hello- is this important to anyone but me?  Maybe I dropped the ball, maybe I shouldn't have trusted him to continue on a path even with my encouragement, etc.  Whatever the case is, I don't feel like I've given enough of myself to either him or to Maggie. 
God gets through to me in lots of ways.  I think that post is one way, and I needed to hear it.  Jack is so far out of my sphere of influence, that it is safe for me to stay detached with love.  My children, however, need me.  They need my presence and attention fully when we are together.  While they need to continue to do chores, do their homework, have their jobs, etc., they need me too.  Now that I know I can take care of me, it's time to take care of what is my part of taking care of them.  Now that I better know who I am, maybe they can benefit from knowing me.
I just hope it's not too late.

Monday, October 1, 2012

We Shall See

Life continues to go on here in the land of Crazytown.  Jack seemed better after I had a little melt down, which is not my finest moment.  I don't know if it's hormones, or nearing menopause or what, but I've really been an emotional roller coaster.  Hopefully some outpatient surgery this week will help in many ways. 
I kind of hate that I broke down in front of him, but really it was just the last straw when I had had it with his crappy attitude.  I am mad at myself for letting him see me that way and for telling him what was wrong.  In the end, I guess it worked out, becuase he was really there for me on Thursday when I had yet another medical issue come to light.  Grace in the small things.
LT continues to work but struggles with one of his classes.  I really don't want him to quit his job, but seriously - hello - college??!!  Anyone interested in attending!?!  Oh well, out of my control.  And really, he's doing better than when he wasn't working.
Miss Maggie just keeps on being her chipper self, except when she has stayed up all night at a sleepover.  Thank goodness she was able to do it and have fun.  And for the first time since she was 15 months old, she took a NAP!!  Woo hoo.  I was beginning to think I had the wrong child!
I finished reading Diane Keaton's memoir.  I highly recommend.  It was really good, and really neat how she talked about her mom. 
Please keep us in your thoughts.  Rough for the kids to think I'm sick.  Should be in and out in a few hours then home.  God has a plan, and I'm going to keep following Him.