Sunday, March 27, 2011

Wow, a Week later, and God is still in Control

I come here today, to remind myself what is true. Again. It is really work to keep up with re-programming your mind to hear truth, and to reject lies. If I choose to believe lies, I will feel overwhelmed, fearful, sad, angry and rejected. If I choose to belive truth, I feel safe, confident, powerful in God's spirit, whole and loved beyond measure. God showed me again, that he is in control. And sometimes that means being obedient to him by waiting for HIM to work. Not for something I can do, or I am capable of, but something only He can do, and I need to get out of His way. His way is Truth, Light, and Love. May I continue to believe the truth, and may you also. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

A list

Okay, I've been trying to post more, but today has been hard, so I'm going to post some things I'm thankful for...try to get a perspective.
1. The sun has been making an appearance and has actually been feeling a bit more like spring. Very good.
2. I read a book today that confirmed at a spiritual level what I've been learning and embracing in Al-Anon. Wow -God is good!
3. I'm thankful for friends who pray and put water in my bucket.
4. The kiddos are mostly happy and loving, and it feels good to hug them.
5. The response of my husband to me is not necessarily a true reflection on my worth as a person, or human.
6. My family is amazing.
7. Tomorrow is another day, one full of new mercies.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

He's Still There

The day started out as so many wondering if I'd done something wrong, if I had done this or said that, would Jack still be sleeping in the other room. Then I remembered to focus on what is true, what is real. What world I really live in. I talked myself out of the responsibilty when I have none - it isn't my fault, he spends so much time on p(o)rn because it is the easiest, most direct way to avoid human contact to get the endorphins flowing in his disfunctoinal, alcohol-soaked brain. There is nothing I could so, say, or think that would make it any different.
So I went to church. Still believing that God is here, that I'm not alone.
When I got to church, I was running late, as usual. I went inside as the first song ended, got my bulletin, and noticed that someone had written on it. It said "God is in Control." I thought, wow, that is just what I needed to be reminded of today. How cool that they are writing on the bulletins, must be because of Lent. Only, as I looked around, and later as people were leaving, I noticed NO other bulletins had writing on them. Only mine.
I am thankful today for the ways God works. Mysterious, quietly, loudly, amazingly. Just what I needed for the day.
Thank you God. I am not alone.

Monday, March 7, 2011

It's Awfully Quiet Here

We have been given a reprieve. We have 5 days of peace, as Jack is traveling for business. It was so nice to have a night of sleep where no one was trapesing through the bedroom to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes because he was drunk, and while in there singing or yelling, and for the topper, telling me he HATED ME (Capitalization his, not mine). What peace. What a lovely feeling of peace. But you know what - I still miss the man who I married, the one who had hidden his drinking from me for years. That man I miss. The alcoholic, I don't. So, for this few days, I will read to my heart's content, I will bask in the peace and watch any chick show on Style or TLC, and be joyful. I will see the joy in each moment. It.Is.There.