Wow, I can't believe I disappeared off the radar for so long. Life has a tendency to do that - get so busy that I just get sucked in and the next thing you know- it's a month later. Wow. Life goes on here in Wife's world. Miss Maggie is playing tennis. She's fantastic but hard on herself. For not playing since she was 6 years old, I think she's quite fabulous! I may be a bit partial. I'm back to work full time. I'm very thankful for my job and co-workers, but I miss all that time to do things at home. Ah well, such a good problem to have.
Abby is working!! At a job she went to school for!! It is temporary, but a good start. Hurray. Now, on to a permanent assignment. Baby-steps. That is the key.
LT has been taking college board tests. He's doing amazingly well. Further proof that he is smarter than his grades lead you to believe. I wonder if I've hurt him by being exposed to Jack and his criticism. Well, I'm just being miss honesty and forthrightness today. Hummmmm. Still, in this world, I like to see the good. How can I make the world a better place? I'm starting with my space in the corner of the universe. Lord, help me see what is good right here and now.
I have more in my head to write, but I'm going to go for now. I hope everyone is having a great day and that you can see the Sun!!
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
The View from Here
Well, I'm finally feeling better from surgery. I haven't really felt badly, just exhausted and not able to do much. I have been pleasantly surprised at how amazing Jack has been and how well he's taken care of me. It reminds me of the man I married, the one I knew before I knew he drank. Thank God I'm in a place that I can accept the kindnesses and thoughtfulness and leave the crappy thinking behind me.
I still can't work, but am really enjoying my time off, my time to myself, and the 3 books I've already read, the knitting I'm doing, the peace and quiet. If the TV is on at all, it's on HGTV. Yes, this is my life, and I'm now a boring middle-aged woman! Bahahaha.
Don't get me wrong, the struggles have still been present, but I'm doing better at taking what I like and leaving the rest. It is a blessing.
LT is doing better this quarter at school. He does have 2 high Cs, but the rest are all As and Bs. Let's all continue to pray that this is the new pattern - keeping the highs! After he overslept 3 of the first 4 days this week, he told me to chill out. I told him I'd be happy to chill out once he learned to move the alarm so that he'd have to get OUT of the bed and turn off his alarm. Let's just say, the clock moved and he's made the bus yesterday and today. I guess that means now I can Chill out! (Eyes rolled)
Abby finally got a job. Not in her degree area, but it is a paying job. That is a good thing all around. Maggie is miss positivity or miss attitude. Take your pick, but probably not the one you are ready for when it is about to happen! I love my teenagers, I love my teenagers...She says to herself repeatedly!
The best news is I finally am feeling much better. My body seems to be healing and I don't feel exhausted every minute of the day. Or that could be the daily naps I'm getting. I'll take it! The dog and I are best buddies. She almost has me on her sleep schedule!
If you haven't heard, please run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore, library, or e-reader and purchase Sparkly Green Earrings by Melanie Shankle. I read her blog religiously because she makes me laugh out loud. Usually with some liquid in my mouth, then I spit all over my computer screen but it is so worth it!!! I can't read it in bed when Jack is sleeping because it makes me laugh until I shake the bed, or cry at it's touching truth of what it is to be a mama and trying to figure out how life makes sense. I can't recommend it enough if you want to feel uplifted.
Also, yesterday, as part of my self-imposed therapy, I went to the movies and saw "Silver Linings Playbook". I didn't know anything about it, other than a couple of the ratings I saw online, and they were all positive. It was a wonderful movie. No nudity, few cuss words, and truthful portrayal of bi-polar and mental illness. I didn't cry, and I left feeling good. And it was on the discounted movie list! A grand slam!
Hope I can be more diligent about posting now. It feels like I've been gone forever.
Have a wonderful weekend, and hope you see a good movie or read a great book today!
I still can't work, but am really enjoying my time off, my time to myself, and the 3 books I've already read, the knitting I'm doing, the peace and quiet. If the TV is on at all, it's on HGTV. Yes, this is my life, and I'm now a boring middle-aged woman! Bahahaha.
Don't get me wrong, the struggles have still been present, but I'm doing better at taking what I like and leaving the rest. It is a blessing.
LT is doing better this quarter at school. He does have 2 high Cs, but the rest are all As and Bs. Let's all continue to pray that this is the new pattern - keeping the highs! After he overslept 3 of the first 4 days this week, he told me to chill out. I told him I'd be happy to chill out once he learned to move the alarm so that he'd have to get OUT of the bed and turn off his alarm. Let's just say, the clock moved and he's made the bus yesterday and today. I guess that means now I can Chill out! (Eyes rolled)
Abby finally got a job. Not in her degree area, but it is a paying job. That is a good thing all around. Maggie is miss positivity or miss attitude. Take your pick, but probably not the one you are ready for when it is about to happen! I love my teenagers, I love my teenagers...She says to herself repeatedly!
The best news is I finally am feeling much better. My body seems to be healing and I don't feel exhausted every minute of the day. Or that could be the daily naps I'm getting. I'll take it! The dog and I are best buddies. She almost has me on her sleep schedule!
If you haven't heard, please run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore, library, or e-reader and purchase Sparkly Green Earrings by Melanie Shankle. I read her blog religiously because she makes me laugh out loud. Usually with some liquid in my mouth, then I spit all over my computer screen but it is so worth it!!! I can't read it in bed when Jack is sleeping because it makes me laugh until I shake the bed, or cry at it's touching truth of what it is to be a mama and trying to figure out how life makes sense. I can't recommend it enough if you want to feel uplifted.
Also, yesterday, as part of my self-imposed therapy, I went to the movies and saw "Silver Linings Playbook". I didn't know anything about it, other than a couple of the ratings I saw online, and they were all positive. It was a wonderful movie. No nudity, few cuss words, and truthful portrayal of bi-polar and mental illness. I didn't cry, and I left feeling good. And it was on the discounted movie list! A grand slam!
Hope I can be more diligent about posting now. It feels like I've been gone forever.
Have a wonderful weekend, and hope you see a good movie or read a great book today!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Are We There Yet?
I've been out of town for a week, in a western desert state where the sun was out EVERY day. It was wonderful. I was with Jack, and even that was a great experience. I was intending to come today and write about that, and how thankful I am for that time.
I am thankful for that time. I am thankful for every day, every minute of that time. I'm thankful for every day when LT & Maggie's grandparents were with them and made them feel loved and cared for.
Unfortunately, last night, reality struck. My only question is, are we there yet?????? Have we reached rock bottom? Nope. Jack has not reached rock bottom. I, however, am starting to feel the rocks on the bottom as they tear at my hands that I'm using to hold myself up.
Tomorrow is d-day for me, or s-day. I'm having some surgery, that while it isn't expected to be serious, it is making me uneasy. I'm trying not to worry, not let fear bring me down. In the midst of all of this, Jack's alcoholic behavior is driving a bigger wedge in our family than ever before.
While I don't condone at all the behavior that LT has engaged in, Jack's need to control, and his absolute my way or the highway parenting mentality is really not healthy. As if I expected healthy? But what is best for LT? He's doing fantastic at school so far. Granted, it's three weeks, but HUGE improvement. At home, it's horrible. We started off with some great family time, each week, all involved and seemingly enjoying it. Last night, Jack thought he needed to go into LTs room and look around. He found 2 pieces of mail that LT had opened with my name on them. And proceeded to MELT down. LT said maybe he should live somewhere else. My heart broke into some small pieces. That is NOT okay with me. I get that he shouldn't have done it. I agree. I get that he should be remorseful and he is - but not on the schedule that Jack would like.
Jack yelled, stormed, left.
When he got home, LT didn't apologize fast enough to suit him. Apparently there is a clock running and you have only x amount of minutes to apologize or it is invalid. Again, I have no idea how many minutes = x, and so far, it seems to be variable.
I suck at math, so this doesn't really work for me. On so many levels.
I remained calm as Jack ignored and disappeared. I attempted civil discussion. Yeah, not so much. He even told me he'd been drinking, so go to bed. I failed to listen. I maintained my mostly calm and not freaking out. I'm proud of that.
How do I answer him when he asks what he has done wrong as a parent to LT? In his eyes, absolutely nothing, but everything he said shows that he has a balance sheet running and he's giving more than everyone else on every level. Especially financially. I remained silent, because after 5 beers, I'm not going there. But was my silence condoning his statements? I don't know, but I'm looking forward to being unconscious for surgery. That's about all I can handle right now.
God, I know you have a plan. I trust you. I believe you can use all things for good for those who are called according to your purposes. Help me in my doubt. (throwing all kinds of scripture references at once.) I know you're still there. Without you, I'd be a bigger mess. Please appear real to me today. Protect LT from himself and all of us from the effects of Jack's drinking. Just for today.
I am thankful for that time. I am thankful for every day, every minute of that time. I'm thankful for every day when LT & Maggie's grandparents were with them and made them feel loved and cared for.
Unfortunately, last night, reality struck. My only question is, are we there yet?????? Have we reached rock bottom? Nope. Jack has not reached rock bottom. I, however, am starting to feel the rocks on the bottom as they tear at my hands that I'm using to hold myself up.
Tomorrow is d-day for me, or s-day. I'm having some surgery, that while it isn't expected to be serious, it is making me uneasy. I'm trying not to worry, not let fear bring me down. In the midst of all of this, Jack's alcoholic behavior is driving a bigger wedge in our family than ever before.
While I don't condone at all the behavior that LT has engaged in, Jack's need to control, and his absolute my way or the highway parenting mentality is really not healthy. As if I expected healthy? But what is best for LT? He's doing fantastic at school so far. Granted, it's three weeks, but HUGE improvement. At home, it's horrible. We started off with some great family time, each week, all involved and seemingly enjoying it. Last night, Jack thought he needed to go into LTs room and look around. He found 2 pieces of mail that LT had opened with my name on them. And proceeded to MELT down. LT said maybe he should live somewhere else. My heart broke into some small pieces. That is NOT okay with me. I get that he shouldn't have done it. I agree. I get that he should be remorseful and he is - but not on the schedule that Jack would like.
Jack yelled, stormed, left.
When he got home, LT didn't apologize fast enough to suit him. Apparently there is a clock running and you have only x amount of minutes to apologize or it is invalid. Again, I have no idea how many minutes = x, and so far, it seems to be variable.
I suck at math, so this doesn't really work for me. On so many levels.
I remained calm as Jack ignored and disappeared. I attempted civil discussion. Yeah, not so much. He even told me he'd been drinking, so go to bed. I failed to listen. I maintained my mostly calm and not freaking out. I'm proud of that.
How do I answer him when he asks what he has done wrong as a parent to LT? In his eyes, absolutely nothing, but everything he said shows that he has a balance sheet running and he's giving more than everyone else on every level. Especially financially. I remained silent, because after 5 beers, I'm not going there. But was my silence condoning his statements? I don't know, but I'm looking forward to being unconscious for surgery. That's about all I can handle right now.
God, I know you have a plan. I trust you. I believe you can use all things for good for those who are called according to your purposes. Help me in my doubt. (throwing all kinds of scripture references at once.) I know you're still there. Without you, I'd be a bigger mess. Please appear real to me today. Protect LT from himself and all of us from the effects of Jack's drinking. Just for today.
Friday, January 11, 2013
God at Work, Part 2
Sunday, 12/23, the three children and I head to church, before which the girls try to persuade Jack to go with us to Grandma's. Nope, he's not going. We head off to church and enjoy our time. Upon our return, to check one more time if he'd go with us, we leave him to his sourness and head to grandma's. While there, we have a great time, but no one mentions Jack - it's so weird that we all know about things being strange, but we never talk about it. Well, at least not then. We have a great Christmas, enjoy being with all of the kids and my family. It felt really good to be able to let it go. Enjoy the moment, all of that. When we got home, it was very uncomfortable, Jack being his usual moodswing self, not wanting to talk to anyone, etc. But my parents had gotten him something that I thought he'd really like. The kids ran it in, placed it in front of him, and he shouts "Why in the h*#9 would you think I'd want that. The girls go running off crying, LT rolls his eyes and goes upstairs, and I am pretty furious. I will say that I was able to say that he was being completely unreasonable, and so he left to "get something to eat," because in this state of mind, he never eats with us, won't eat the food we have in the house, it's all very weird.
Abby goes home to her mom's house, the kids and I head off to our rooms for bed, and Jack sleeps in the spare bedroom again. It was shaping up to be a horrendous holiday, once again.
However, this time - God was moving - even in the midst of all the chaos.
Monday 12/24 - We awaken to crabby dad, and Maggie & I begin to prepare our Christmas cookies, rolls, etc. Mid day, we decide that Abby will come over for dinner that night, as she had plans with her mom's family after our Christmas morning festivities. Jack continued to stomp around and be generally horrible. When I tried to talk to him about Abby coming over, he said to eat without him. I began questioning him, calmly for a change, with what we had done to make him so upset. He proceeded to say he was packing a bag and going to a hotel so he wouldn't have to "put up" with the "crap" anymore. When I asked what I was doing that he was having to "put up" with, he grumbled un-coherently and stomped up the steps. Well, in mid jumping in drama, I went up and told him that if he left it was his choice, but that wasn't what I wanted, and it wasn't what the kids wanted. I told him that families that love each other work things out - they don't leave whenever they want to. He left, and I was shaking I was so upset, angry, something. I don't do anger well, so maybe that's what I was and just didn't know it. I told the kids I'd be back because I needed to calm down.
When I got back 20 minutes later, he was there. We began talking, and he was being much more calm and reasonable. I was suspicious, but continued the conversation. It came out that he was frustrated by LT's lack of motivation, lack of attention to anything (pretty much breathing and being a 17 year-old), but when I told him Families worked things out, it got his attention. He told me he heard the exact same thing on Jerry Spr*&ger earlier in the day - and he remembered it and wanted to do things differently. Well, let's just say I'm not one of Jerry's biggest fans, but after this - maybe I can tolerate him from afar! LOL. He said he was tired of not feeling like a family (but he still doesn't see that his drinking and his actions drive all of us to seclusion), and he wants to do things differently. Abby was on her way over for dinner by this time, but afraid to come in the door. She did, we proceeded to have our Christmas meal, and it was obvious he was doing better, but we were still skeptical.
It was then that God's hand became real - Jack asked what time he needed to be ready so we could all go to church together. I may have cried a bit while I was in the shower as we all prepared to go to midnight services. We sat together, in one row, in church - the last time he was there had to be 3 years ago or more when Maggie had a concert. It was amazing. He said afterwards that he was thankful that we were all there together.
God is good, all the time. And working, even when we can't see.
to be continued....
Abby goes home to her mom's house, the kids and I head off to our rooms for bed, and Jack sleeps in the spare bedroom again. It was shaping up to be a horrendous holiday, once again.
However, this time - God was moving - even in the midst of all the chaos.
Monday 12/24 - We awaken to crabby dad, and Maggie & I begin to prepare our Christmas cookies, rolls, etc. Mid day, we decide that Abby will come over for dinner that night, as she had plans with her mom's family after our Christmas morning festivities. Jack continued to stomp around and be generally horrible. When I tried to talk to him about Abby coming over, he said to eat without him. I began questioning him, calmly for a change, with what we had done to make him so upset. He proceeded to say he was packing a bag and going to a hotel so he wouldn't have to "put up" with the "crap" anymore. When I asked what I was doing that he was having to "put up" with, he grumbled un-coherently and stomped up the steps. Well, in mid jumping in drama, I went up and told him that if he left it was his choice, but that wasn't what I wanted, and it wasn't what the kids wanted. I told him that families that love each other work things out - they don't leave whenever they want to. He left, and I was shaking I was so upset, angry, something. I don't do anger well, so maybe that's what I was and just didn't know it. I told the kids I'd be back because I needed to calm down.
When I got back 20 minutes later, he was there. We began talking, and he was being much more calm and reasonable. I was suspicious, but continued the conversation. It came out that he was frustrated by LT's lack of motivation, lack of attention to anything (pretty much breathing and being a 17 year-old), but when I told him Families worked things out, it got his attention. He told me he heard the exact same thing on Jerry Spr*&ger earlier in the day - and he remembered it and wanted to do things differently. Well, let's just say I'm not one of Jerry's biggest fans, but after this - maybe I can tolerate him from afar! LOL. He said he was tired of not feeling like a family (but he still doesn't see that his drinking and his actions drive all of us to seclusion), and he wants to do things differently. Abby was on her way over for dinner by this time, but afraid to come in the door. She did, we proceeded to have our Christmas meal, and it was obvious he was doing better, but we were still skeptical.
It was then that God's hand became real - Jack asked what time he needed to be ready so we could all go to church together. I may have cried a bit while I was in the shower as we all prepared to go to midnight services. We sat together, in one row, in church - the last time he was there had to be 3 years ago or more when Maggie had a concert. It was amazing. He said afterwards that he was thankful that we were all there together.
God is good, all the time. And working, even when we can't see.
to be continued....
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
It was a Merry Christmas - God at work - Part 1
If you would have told me what the last 4 days would hold, I'd have gone into a hole before it happened. However, I'm not privy to foreseeing the future, so I just lived it as it came.
Saturday - started out great. Went to breakfast, finished up some last minute shopping, just Jack and me, prepared some food together with Abby. Maggie was with her grandma, working on preparing for Christmas at their house on Sunday. LT was busy hiding in his room so he wouldn't get yelled at. I had worked hard, so decided to pick up BFF, Louise, and go for mani/pedis. It is our little treat to ourselves when we feel stressed. As I'm almost done with that, I get a series of urgent texts from Maggie. She's been getting them from Abby - saying Jack is freaking out about LT having a new tv in his room.
(about this time you should know that LT got his TV in early October, purchased with his own money, and I picked it up for him. At that time and most of the time since then, Jack was "out of parenting" with LT, so I didn't see any reason to involve him in the decision.) I return Louise to her house (at this point, LT is working), and pray my way back home. I go in, and as usual, you can cut the tension with a knife. I ask how Jack and Abby are, what they have been doing, and Jack asks me to come upstairs with him. That's either really good or really bad, never in the middle. We get to LT's room and he's got some things out of LT's closet and piled around, including the box for the TV, a game console thingy that went to the computer and he had ordered LT to dipsose of it or store it out of the computer room, and some video games that went to LT's ps something. In case you can't tell, video games are not my thing. Jack demands to know what is going on and why LT has this tv, where did the game console thing come from and when did he buy the games. While yelling at me.
Um yeah, I don't respond well when yelled at. Despite all the drama I've been through in the past 5 years, it has been worse in my first marriage and that isn't something I respond well to. And normally it's not a problem - even with the alcoholic that is Jack.
I said the console thingy was from downstairs, you told him to bring it up. The games - he's had these. I haven't taken him anywhere to get them. The tv - well, here's where I screwed up royally, and i'm not even going to try to make it okay. I lied and said he'd traded his 19" tv with his grandma for this 32" one. Jack freaked out and told me to have him take it back to grandma, and that he wasn't going to grandma's house on Sunday because he was cleaning LTs room and there'd be nothing left.
At this point, I am feeling like this is a TV mini-series. Maybe i'm giving too many details. However, seeing this in print does kind of make it real and obvious to me that i jumped right back into the crazy with both feet, and yikes, that stinks.
So LT (at 11 pm when gets home from work) decides that he's taking everything that is his to grandma's house on Sunday and begins to pack it up right then and there. Of course, this is after Jack has decided (while I was gone to pick up LT) to move into the spare room which shares the wall with LT (at the headboard end, of course). I am trying to stay sane and wrap gifts downstairs, when Jack comes stomping down the stairs to the living room and says he's sleeping there because it's too loud upstairs. Can you say passive agressive?
I promise God is working through all this, but I must post before I become a novel writer...to be continued.
Saturday - started out great. Went to breakfast, finished up some last minute shopping, just Jack and me, prepared some food together with Abby. Maggie was with her grandma, working on preparing for Christmas at their house on Sunday. LT was busy hiding in his room so he wouldn't get yelled at. I had worked hard, so decided to pick up BFF, Louise, and go for mani/pedis. It is our little treat to ourselves when we feel stressed. As I'm almost done with that, I get a series of urgent texts from Maggie. She's been getting them from Abby - saying Jack is freaking out about LT having a new tv in his room.
(about this time you should know that LT got his TV in early October, purchased with his own money, and I picked it up for him. At that time and most of the time since then, Jack was "out of parenting" with LT, so I didn't see any reason to involve him in the decision.) I return Louise to her house (at this point, LT is working), and pray my way back home. I go in, and as usual, you can cut the tension with a knife. I ask how Jack and Abby are, what they have been doing, and Jack asks me to come upstairs with him. That's either really good or really bad, never in the middle. We get to LT's room and he's got some things out of LT's closet and piled around, including the box for the TV, a game console thingy that went to the computer and he had ordered LT to dipsose of it or store it out of the computer room, and some video games that went to LT's ps something. In case you can't tell, video games are not my thing. Jack demands to know what is going on and why LT has this tv, where did the game console thing come from and when did he buy the games. While yelling at me.
Um yeah, I don't respond well when yelled at. Despite all the drama I've been through in the past 5 years, it has been worse in my first marriage and that isn't something I respond well to. And normally it's not a problem - even with the alcoholic that is Jack.
I said the console thingy was from downstairs, you told him to bring it up. The games - he's had these. I haven't taken him anywhere to get them. The tv - well, here's where I screwed up royally, and i'm not even going to try to make it okay. I lied and said he'd traded his 19" tv with his grandma for this 32" one. Jack freaked out and told me to have him take it back to grandma, and that he wasn't going to grandma's house on Sunday because he was cleaning LTs room and there'd be nothing left.
At this point, I am feeling like this is a TV mini-series. Maybe i'm giving too many details. However, seeing this in print does kind of make it real and obvious to me that i jumped right back into the crazy with both feet, and yikes, that stinks.
So LT (at 11 pm when gets home from work) decides that he's taking everything that is his to grandma's house on Sunday and begins to pack it up right then and there. Of course, this is after Jack has decided (while I was gone to pick up LT) to move into the spare room which shares the wall with LT (at the headboard end, of course). I am trying to stay sane and wrap gifts downstairs, when Jack comes stomping down the stairs to the living room and says he's sleeping there because it's too loud upstairs. Can you say passive agressive?
I promise God is working through all this, but I must post before I become a novel writer...to be continued.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
PYHO - Here and Now
I'm actually trying to write to contribute to Pour Your Heart Out over at Things I Can't Say on Wednesday, the actual day she posts it. Even in small things, I'm making progress. Progress, not perfection - that's how the saying goes. What do I want to Pour my Heart Out about? That's the question. Why don't I just list some things on my mind - that I've been keeping in there, rattling about. A list seems fun, so here we go (and requires less effort from me today).
1. Abby will be graduating from college this weekend. Wow - can I just say how fast time has gone. We got married when she was going into her sophomore year of high school. I've seen her change in so many ways, and yet stay stuck in some others. It's surreal that she is an adult and now needs to find a job and go off on her own. Now if only her mom agreed! She's perfectly content to let her live for free at her house, not even asking about her plans. It makes me so angry. But, I guess what should I expect?
2. LT got a suit yesterday. His first one ever. He looked so grown up and handsome in it. Before I know it, he'll be graduating from high school (one hopes...), and be facing his own decisions about what to do. I'm trying so hard to let him handle what is his to do - grades are not in my control, doing his homework, cleaning his room - taking a shower....ugh! He's been tested for ADD. I'm not sure whether I hope he has it so it can be treated, or finding he doesn't have it and all of this difficulty is really his choice. He is such a caring, thoughtful young man. I couldn't be more proud of him. And really, a grade in algebra isn't the definition of him as a person. It's just got different importance to him that it did to me at that age, or does now as the parent.
3. Miss Maggie had a HUGE breakthrough this past weekend. She said something she shouldn't have said to Jack (but it was the truth...what do I do with that??!!). However, in an unprecedented turn of events, she realized she was really wrong for saying it and came on her own to apologize and seek forgiveness. It was truly a moving moment for me as a mom to see her finally "get" this piece of understanding about responsibility for her actions/apology that she has struggled over so much.
Jack seems to be through the latest of his dramas. It's so true that alcoholics can't seem to just be. To be content, to be normal, to not have some drama going on. I really can be happy and thankful for my blessings. Yes, there are burdens, but I choose to see the blessings.
And me - what about me? Still fighting this cold and cough, but still seeing the good. Thankful for a healthy family and a warm home. There have been times without that, so it's all good. I'm especially thankful for my parents who are still well and strong and working. I'm thankful for being able to laugh at the insanity that is my life. And I'm thankful for being able to laugh with my mom. She's so fun and funny and we've been through so much. I'm thankful for their marriage that has lasted over 45 years. What blessings they are to me, and to their grandchildren.
Now, if I could just find one of those Elves who would put up the Christmas decorations...
1. Abby will be graduating from college this weekend. Wow - can I just say how fast time has gone. We got married when she was going into her sophomore year of high school. I've seen her change in so many ways, and yet stay stuck in some others. It's surreal that she is an adult and now needs to find a job and go off on her own. Now if only her mom agreed! She's perfectly content to let her live for free at her house, not even asking about her plans. It makes me so angry. But, I guess what should I expect?
2. LT got a suit yesterday. His first one ever. He looked so grown up and handsome in it. Before I know it, he'll be graduating from high school (one hopes...), and be facing his own decisions about what to do. I'm trying so hard to let him handle what is his to do - grades are not in my control, doing his homework, cleaning his room - taking a shower....ugh! He's been tested for ADD. I'm not sure whether I hope he has it so it can be treated, or finding he doesn't have it and all of this difficulty is really his choice. He is such a caring, thoughtful young man. I couldn't be more proud of him. And really, a grade in algebra isn't the definition of him as a person. It's just got different importance to him that it did to me at that age, or does now as the parent.
3. Miss Maggie had a HUGE breakthrough this past weekend. She said something she shouldn't have said to Jack (but it was the truth...what do I do with that??!!). However, in an unprecedented turn of events, she realized she was really wrong for saying it and came on her own to apologize and seek forgiveness. It was truly a moving moment for me as a mom to see her finally "get" this piece of understanding about responsibility for her actions/apology that she has struggled over so much.
Jack seems to be through the latest of his dramas. It's so true that alcoholics can't seem to just be. To be content, to be normal, to not have some drama going on. I really can be happy and thankful for my blessings. Yes, there are burdens, but I choose to see the blessings.
And me - what about me? Still fighting this cold and cough, but still seeing the good. Thankful for a healthy family and a warm home. There have been times without that, so it's all good. I'm especially thankful for my parents who are still well and strong and working. I'm thankful for being able to laugh at the insanity that is my life. And I'm thankful for being able to laugh with my mom. She's so fun and funny and we've been through so much. I'm thankful for their marriage that has lasted over 45 years. What blessings they are to me, and to their grandchildren.
Now, if I could just find one of those Elves who would put up the Christmas decorations...
Friday, December 7, 2012
Groundhog Day...in December
You may or may not have gone backwards in reading my blog (all 5 people :o)), but I just had an inspiration to look at last year's posts. You may remember this. I didn't remember until I re-read it, however...I don't need to write a post for what is going on today, because you can read that one and still be caught up to date. The exact same place, only 9 days earlier. Just like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.
Jack is back in the spare bedroom, and frankly, I can't say I'm sad about that. If he's going to act like an idiot, I'm okay with him doing it away from me. There was a new development. Last night when I got home after working late, there was crap all over the bed and floor in that room. It looked like the closet (which we use for storage of unused items) had exploded. Then there was a horrible grinding noise. I went to see what was up - and he was drilling a hole in the closet wall - saying he was moving a shelf. The shelving system is the type with the pre-drilled holes where you insert pegs and rest the shelf on the pegs. I'm not sure where you would drill a half-inch hole in that, but okay. I just said be careful.
Detachment. Yes, I'm learning to really love detachment. It is becoming my friend instead of a dreaded stranger.
I will still never understand how he can just come and go with his "participation" in our family. Next week should be an interesting experience as we have a meal with his dad and step-mom who live about 2 hours away and we haven't seen in 4 years. I'm sure THAT will be really fun. At least it should provide good blog material.
Another year older, and getting out of denial and craziness. Now that is a good thing.
Jack is back in the spare bedroom, and frankly, I can't say I'm sad about that. If he's going to act like an idiot, I'm okay with him doing it away from me. There was a new development. Last night when I got home after working late, there was crap all over the bed and floor in that room. It looked like the closet (which we use for storage of unused items) had exploded. Then there was a horrible grinding noise. I went to see what was up - and he was drilling a hole in the closet wall - saying he was moving a shelf. The shelving system is the type with the pre-drilled holes where you insert pegs and rest the shelf on the pegs. I'm not sure where you would drill a half-inch hole in that, but okay. I just said be careful.
Detachment. Yes, I'm learning to really love detachment. It is becoming my friend instead of a dreaded stranger.
I will still never understand how he can just come and go with his "participation" in our family. Next week should be an interesting experience as we have a meal with his dad and step-mom who live about 2 hours away and we haven't seen in 4 years. I'm sure THAT will be really fun. At least it should provide good blog material.
Another year older, and getting out of denial and craziness. Now that is a good thing.
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