This is typically my place to examine and reflect on life at home. I am really struggling at work and thought maybe this would be a good place to examine life on the job. Over the past few months, I've become increasingly unhappy. I'm not sure if it's because I've remained in the same place with the same people, who really are almost all like family to me, or if it's because my supervisor is gone so often. While frequently that is a good thing, it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm just a small person in a small place with a small job, where my sole purpose is to clean up after other people, not in a housekeeping sense, but in a crisis management sense. Like the failure of others to do their job, for which they are paid big bucks, results in me running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and never being able to complete anything or do a good job at any task. Frustration. With a capital F.
So I start looking for other work. At the same place. But they decide to do an overhaul of time off (vacation, sick, etc.). So now do I want to continue to work here? I don't know. I'm so cynical and tired. And really, I want to make pretty things. I'm tired of doing what i have to do to take care of my family. Thankfully, the day to day existence is better now, but I'm still stuck. Clearly I have first world problems, but I want to make a difference to the world. So, I will continue to wait and see what God may have planned. I will look for windows he's opened, and hope for a giant garage door flung wide open that I need to walk through. I can't figure out what is next.
Thankfully family is well and safe and healthy (as much as we can be with our dysfunction). For that I'm grateful. And the sunshine. It makes winter a lot more bearable.