Thursday, August 11, 2011

He said, she said, he doesn't remember...

I don't know what to say, so I'll just let my mind go. Today it came to Jack's attention that he is having blackouts. I suspected it, but today in a conversation, he stated that he didn't remember anything that happened last night, not the words he said, not the actions he did, not the hurtful things that happened. None of it. And I believe it. I asked some other questions about other instances that have been happening since the whole latest cycle of drama have occured, and he didn't remember any of them happening. He then said he told me a few weeks ago that a good event that had happened, that we had talked about, that he didn't remember that either. When he said at the time he didn't remember it, it was like he was teasing me. Like he was playing. And he let me believe that then.
I guess this is a good sign, that I'm truly not crazy. That sometimes when it feels like we are living in two different lives, yet in the same house, family, area...that we are. I have the life where I can see and hear what goes on, and he doesn't. No wonder on top of the alcoholism, that he thinks differently about nearly every encounter our family has together than I do. I know what's going on. Sadly, this is only going to get worse until he realizes what is causing this problem. He's still blaming it on some medication, and that could have some effect. However, I think a lifetime of daily drinking 8-10 beers is probably the true cause.
We shall see what God has planned. I trust Him because He never leaves me nor forgets me. Thank goodness He is in control, cause I'm not capable of fixing this for sure!

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