I found a great blog today, Things I Can't Say. She is hosting a linky carnival called "Pour Your Heart Out" Wednesday. Even though this is Thursday, I'm going to join in. This is my first ever link-up, so I sure hope I get all the techie stuff right.
My life seems to be a series of huge mistakes, then learning to see the best of it. Seeing God working in the midst of it all. In this case, I really hope I will get to see the best of it. You see, as you know from reading, I'm married to an alcoholic. I hope that I will see the best of the expereinces that sometimes hurt to the point of breaking me. I hope my children aren't going to be screwed up forever by this experience.
At times, I know I'm much stronger, more confident, more trusting in God than ever by being married to an alcoholic. There are other days when I see my son's heart break a little more because he can't seem to ever do anything to please his "dad." This is the only dad he's ever known, and when he was younger, this seemed like a great thing. But as he's grown older, Jack seems to not know how to parent him. My own non-preofessional psycho-babble self thinks this is because Jack lost his mom at 16, and was basically left to parent himself from then on, so his memory of what a parent does for a 16 year old boy doesn't exist. This doesn't really help much when I see LT's heart break.
It doesn't help when Maggie would like to have a friend over to spend the night, but dad will never agree because it interrupts his drinking schedule, and Maggie doesn't want anyone to know what she lives with every day. It doesn't help when Maggie tries to give her daddy a hug good night and he says to get away from him.
I hope some day we can each look at this time and see how God was working and see how we grew and how much each of us learned from these experiences. Most of all, I hope we can look back together as a family from a sober perspective and see how all of us were healed.