The reading I did today in Courage to Change (Al-Anon daily book), and it talked about how when you first go to Al-Anon, the program talks about serenity, when all you really want to hear is how to stop the Alcoholic from drinking. I was thinking back to my first meeting(s), and I think I didn't even think about stopping him, I just cried and cried and wanted someone to stop the insanity. Ironically, the insanity hasn't really stopped, but I've stopped being so influenced by it. There are sayings in al-alnon, and sometimes with that as well, I'd like to choose how Jack behaves, drinks, etc., but I realize I do have to live and let him live. I wouldn't want him telling me how to do things, and when he does, I want to scream. But I've learned that he's entitled to make his own choices, even if they don't match mine - AND a big thing I've learned is I can LIVE. I can make choices.
I know it may sound strange if you've never really lived with an alcoholic, but I didn't know I COULD make choices. It is really serenity building when I step back and decide if I want to act at all, and if so, what course that will take. I realize I don't have control over his drinking, or a lot of other things in my life, but I do have control over my choices. What Freedom! In the back of that same Courage to Change book, I've written "Do you WANT to say No?" I did that so I'd remember to focus on 1. What do I want, and 2. The answer to some one's request from me does not always have to be a yes. So empowering. Here's to a great day for today. Enjoy the sun if you have it, and the warmth of your home if the sun is hiding.