Wednesday, October 29, 2014

What Today Looks Like

My days go by so quickly.  I have lots I want to say, but don't take the time to stop and say them.  Today, I'm stopping to say the words.  There has been a lot of adjusting for me lately to a lot of changes.  Change is kind of like that saying, "Lead, Follow or Get out of the Way."  Change, Resist, or Wallow...

LT is doing great at college.  He seems to be thriving.  Just like I knew he would.  He's struggled with one class, decided to change majors, and is picking back up with his creative pursuit next semester.  He's holding down a job and 1/2.  He seems so comfortable in his own skin.  I'm so thankful to see him happy.  I hate that he's 600 miles away, but it's where God wants him for this time, and it is a good place.  He's even been going to church, and it was a really good experience he shared with me when I was there.

Abby seems to be doing better, becoming more independent, and growing in her faith.  It's great to see.  Then she'll have days where she comes over, collapses at our house and sleeps for hours - like she doesn't know how to relax in her own home, so she does it at ours.  Glad that she feels comfortable and can relax with us.

There's miss Maggie.  She's really finding herself.  She's in a local theater production - in a million years, I'd not have imagined her so willing to get up in front of people.  It's awesome to see.  She's driven on her own twice now.  I can't even believe that it is possible.  My baby.  Almost 17.  She's got some teenage attitude, but really, it's minimal. 

Then there's Jack.  He is in his October State of Mind.  Meaning he's heading to the winter depression.  Maybe it's something else, but it happens every year.  At least this year, I'm trying really hard to remember what is true, and what is true is that it's not about me.  Whatever he's going through isn't in my control to change or make better.  So I'm not picking up that responsibility.  It's a good thing.

And me - well, I'm going through a lot.  I miss the days of my young children, but am so thankful for the amazing people they are becoming.  Proud of them and their choices and achievements.  My body is also rebelling.  I am struggling to exercise while dealing with horrible foot pain.  I refuse to stop because I've been following through for 6 weeks now.  I don't want to go backward.  I'm tired of taking medicine for blood pressure, and being tired all the time.  I've been eating better, and losing weight ever so slowly.   My body is officially in the "menopause range" according to a hormone blood test.  Perhaps that is why I cry about half the time and don't want to be around anyone the other half.   Probably why the pounds are creeping off.  At least they are slowly coming off.  My winter clothes fit, so I'm grateful for that.  I want to make beautiful things and be at home, but the whole one kid in college and another headed that way prevents my creative concentration for now.  I feel so depressed, but know there is no reason to feel that way.  I keep getting up and putting one foot in front of the other.  I guess that's all we can do any day.

I just have to keep focused on what God has for me to do in this season.  And he's really good at showing up.  I leave you with my son's photo - gorgeous sight of God's handiwork.




5 comments:

  1. Menopause!! It will be wonderful, in a couple of years, but getting there, can be difficult. Crying a lot--wanting to commit homicide or as least slap someone silly and the weight? It is hard to keep off and even if you do, you will wake up one morning, look in the mirror and wonder what happened, as your whole body will look like it "reshaped" itself over night. Weird, weird. The kids are going to be just fine!!! As for Jack, well--some people just seem to enjoy being miserable--don't let it fall on you!!

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  2. HOW DO YOU DO IT? You are so calm and I am just amazed. Seriously, I am over here breathing into paper bags and feeling like a total failure most of the time. My poor kids. There are so many counseling sessions in their future with me to blame. I am CONSTANTLY worried about all things college. Will they get in to the college that they want? How will I pay for it? This has been the most stressful year of high school BY FAR. (I probably shouldn't say that for fear that I will jinx next year.) Tell me your secret for letting them be their own people and finding their own way, instead of guiding them like a missile.

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    1. Let's see - last semester, I was looking at LTs grades and freaking out - by some miracle the college 600 miles away (2, in fact) as well as a couple here in state wanted him. They could see beyond the GPA, I guess (Probably $$ signs...). I pray. I pray a LOT. I find it fairly easy to trust God with the money problems - He has been so good to our family in so many ways. There has been exactly enough at exactly the right time. That's what I've told him too. It's honestly kind of difficult to believe that we are here, and it's been paid for so far, but it has. In a very strange, God directed, way. It has worked out.
      I'm guessing they still feel like I'm guiding them in Missile like fashion - but I am so forgetful and feeling so insane, that this seems like the least of my worries;-) I believe 12-step programs call it DENIAL.
      Actually - it's all God. Choosing to Trust. It's nothing of me, and all of Him. In the end, I'm hoping there will be good therapists when they need them! LOL.

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  3. I'm trying to enjoy these days of my young children because I know it will go by fast. I start getting a little bummed out starting in October. I need summer all year.

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    1. Please do hang on to those young moments - they change so quickly, but each new stage has had it's advantages too. I still miss them as littles, though - the hugs, the snuggles, the unconditional love.

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