Day to Day

So many things going on around here, and so much is crazy.  But really - it's just life.  Maggie had a friend who passed away during the first week of school.  It's been a crazy emotional roller coaster.  Again reminds me of the fragility of life, and the fact that I need to keep what's important in the front of my mind and let the rest go.  I can't even imagine what her mom's going through right now. 
Had another friend from work who passed away as well, this week.  I hate cancer.  Can I just say that - HATE it! 
On a better note, Abby is back to college, graduating soon *(we hope and pray).  It is so funny how we see things differently when we are 21 than when we're 40.  Naivete, I believe it is called.  I just want to say, 'get used to it honey'.  LOL.
Drinking continues.  As if that's a suprise.  I went to al-anon yesterday and I'm so glad.  I can't believe how blessed I am with an amazing support network of caring people.  And I don't even know their last names.  I was thankful to be able to share some and also hear some reminders.  What a blessing from God that program is for me. 
We've moved someone for the last 2 weekends, and I'm looking forward to not moving anything this week!  For now, I'm thankful our kids are healthy and strong and smart, we have a home and jobs, and it is a gorgeous day.
What you focus on is what you'll find - search for the good and you see good.  Seek the bad, and it's easy to find.

Good and Blah

We had a lovely time on our night away.  Went to a fabulous steakhouse, shopped a bit, and generally enjoyed the time together.  Of course, there was the usual consumption after, but really - I took what was good and was thankful for it, and was thankful to sleep in the next day.  No one to wake me up. 
Now we're back to the usual routine, for a few days, then the kids start school.  LT & Maggie will be in high school.  It's Abby's last semester of college.  I really don't know how this could be.  I have to say, after the weekend, I really think I'll be okay with an empty nest. LOL.

I've been doing well with my Al-anon and reading the literature, etc. but still, I struggle with HOW can HE not realize that he doesn't have to live this way.  I guess he truly doesn't know any other way.   I've learned a little bit about his extended family, since we never see his dad and step-mom, mom died when he was young.  His grandfather drank EVERY night, in the basement of his home, after work and tried to avoid his grandmother.  HMMMM.  They also had real knock-down, drag-out fights, involving alcohol at holidays, other get-togethers.  This explains a lot.  I have no notion of that kind of thing with my family. We are close-knit, never yell at each other, usually laugh until we cry or pee our pants.  That's more how we roll.  I guess that is what makes me sad.  I miss that.  I miss that my kids don't really know their cousins and great aunts and uncles.  That we can learn so much from them.


Well, this is just a bummer of a post, but that's where I am right now.  Things are good, and will be what they are, but I'm going to keep looking for the best in the world, and those around me, enjoy the sunshine and cooler nights, and read every single chance I get!

Happy S'mores week.  Chocolate will make everything better!

It's a Full Moon, Mabel

Image found at: Starry Nightsky Events

As per usual, the interesting and odd are going on.  The full moon seems to really influence Jack.  One minute he's crazy quiet, nothing to say; the next, he says we're going away for the weekend.  Alone.  It shocked me, but all I could think to myself was, "well, let's go with this.  It's good.  It may not last, but this can be a good opportunity.  Be glad and grab it."
On the down side, he forgets eating something and yells at the kids for eating it all.  We have converstations and he says the next day - You never told me that.  I'd like to scream sometimes, but I know it won't do any good.

There is a cycle, that's for sure.  Every full moon, it seems.  Lucky for me, there are two this month!

Sometimes the words still sting

This has been a weekend, not unlike many other weekends.  What I have figured out is that even with the most clear-headed thinking, even with al-anon, even with knowing what is true, and having a higher power to  help with every day, sometimes the words of an alcoholic still sting.  I do find that all of these assets I listed above make the sting last a little shorter time, and don't cut quite so deeply, but they still hurt just the same.  I suppose this has been a time of realizing that the alcoholism is progressing, and yes, I am powerless to stop it.  I read a post by Syd over on I'm Just F.I.N.E. and it really hit me.  Knowing that my kids are suffering is hard, but knowing I'm doing all I can to talk about this disease and keep what is real identified.  Ugh - this is hard and I'm not really liking it today.  Even the details aren't that different.  Perhaps what is different is not taking everything personally and realizing that the words are really aimed at himself.  And that's really sad.
God is good and the weather is lovely, so I am going to concentrate on that.

Another hot one

It's another incredibly hot, dry day in the neighborhood.  Seriously, I'm starting to feel like a lizard.  Ick!  Pretty calm here, and that is probably my favorite adjective ever to describe life.  Jack took all three kids to an amusement park and they spent the night in a hotel.  Can you say - happy mama!  They called and it sounds like they're having a blast - so glad to hear that!  I spent the time with a nap after work, snack food for dinner and reading before bed.  It was divine.
Jack's doctor's appointment (what I know of it) went well.  He was not 100% revealing about what was discussed, but he did attempt to cut down on his intake of alcohol for the past week or so.  I don't know what the liver function test results were, but I know he's not going to tell me!  LT likes his job, and I'm so glad.  Unfortunately, I busted him again trying to over-ride the electronics rules and controls, so I don't think the permit will be happening any time soon.  I wish he would learn the lesson about lying v. truth.  Seriously - get it already.
Reading a book, Calling Invisible Women.  It's kind of amusing, but not in a laugh-out-loud kind of funny.  I'm enjoying it, nonetheless. I think people today are missing so much with all of the electronics (yes, memaw has arrived and stolen my blog).  I LOVE reading.  I love how you can be transported to a time and place and forget the world.  It's an escape that TV/movies, etc. don't give me, personally.
Ready to begin a new knitting project too.  I wonder when it's time to retire.  I have too many fun things to do to work all day! 
God's blessings are everywhere - just look!

Enjoying the Journey

Thanks for all your kind thoughts and words.  Anniversary was fun.  Won some money at the casino, which NEVER happens, but it finally did and it's a lot more fun when you do!  Weird how we can spend hours in the car together, have great conversations, and then evening comes, computer comes out, porn invades with beer, and a different person inhabits our home.  Sad on one level, but I feel so much better about life, alcoholism, etc. now than I did 5 years ago. 
It's been good news for kids, they had fun on their excursion, and LT starts his job this week!! WOOO HOOOO!!!  After 5 calls per half day - the kids are driving me crazy spending too much time together.  This should help!  I hope!   Now to get him a driver's permit.  Yikes.  Well, I guess we are bringing them up to be "adults", not children who never leave and don't have their own life....Okay, it's all good.
Finished the book, One Moment, One Morning (or the other way around?!).  It was fantastic, and so true about how one of the characters describes her involvement with her alcoholic BF.  Something you don't often find in books. 
Jack goes to the doctor today.  The blood tests they did included liver function.  I'm anxious to hear if he has anything to say about it. 
Lunch interview for a project, so I'd better hit it.  So glad to see some beautiful clouds this morning with sun shining through.  Reminds me that today is a new day.  New Mercies.  Fantastic.

Happy Anniversary Eve

Well, tomorrow is our anniversary.  For the first time in forever, I have no expecations, and I'm really thankful that I have great kids, great friends, family who love us, and really, a great husband when he is one.  For all the rest, I'm thankful to al-anon for where I am and that I am working on me.  I love this one thing I read that said if it's good for me, it's good for the alcoholic.  That helps me to stay sane, and judge better what is reasonable.  Not just normal, because that can be very skewed in a relationship with an alcoholic. 
I'm reading a fabulous book recommended by Still Me Only Stronger,  One Moment, One Morning by Sarah Rayner.  She was so right about the descriptions of the character who is in a relationship with an alcoholic.  I'm not done yet, but it is a great read.  If you are so inclined, look for a my favorite books section soon.  I loved hers and am going to copy the idea (with her permission, and thank you!!). 
I'll let you know what excitement goes on for the anniversary.  In the meantime, stay well, and know I'm praying for you.