Lately, what with the viral illness that seems to be going through our family, most normal activities seem to have stopped. Thankfully, I've not stopped reading my al-anon literature. As I described in a previous post, the ex-husband (who I now know was alcoholic, addicted to at least marijuana and other drugs) has filed this paper to reduce the amount he pays for child support. While my greatest desire is to simply ignore this situation and let it happen however, I will not put the kids at risk to possibly see him, so I trooped over to the attorney office today to see what's what. Thankfully, I can make use of the "legal aid" type of services available, so the cost for me to go through this is minimal. I had the 3rd person express to me that maybe his brain cancer is Karma or God's getting even for his actions. I thought today that I was cold thinking such things, but the people who've said so to me seem like normal kind people, not anyone out to destroy the world or anything. Soooo, maybe those are sort of normal thoughts in this most ab-normal situation.
I have been reading in Courage to Change, and it has especially been focusing on me looking at what my part in a situation is, my response, my responsibility (or NOT). I'm trying to keep that perspective in this situation too.
Then there is Abby, who has been calling so frequently it is weird behavior for her. Now I find out she has been cutting herself. I feel especially helpless in that circumstance too. I've been as supportive as I can, gave her names, info on how to contact insurance for various providers, told her to call anytime, we love her, and then I have to let her go on her journey. She really has bi-polar like symptoms, but she is a grown-up and has made choices to ensure that we know that.
In all this, it's sort of like alcoholism, in that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I certainly can't control it!
Thank goodness I have that thinking to fall back upon when I wake up in the night, as I have, and start obsessing over what I can do. Which is basically follow through what is mine to do, and leave the rest to God.
So, for today, and every day, Let GO and Let GOD!
just about everything in life is out of our control, isn't it? Trusting in God to get me through--sometimes difficult--He does seem to take His own sweet time :-)
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard not to worry, and yet, when there is nothing you can do aobut the situation, you just have to turn it over to God.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes Jude, sometimes it seems like he's never going to respond, but he always does.
Your first sentence really caught my attention (found you through Judy)!!! In 1986, I was desperately drowning in a terrible relationship with an alcoholic. He had me convinced it was my fault he drank and became abusive, and all the other sick dynamics were taking place. I went to a therapist in the hope that she could give me ideas on how to change my alcoholic. She set me on the right path immediately by suggesting I get myself to Al-Anon before I went down with his ship. I sobbed through the first meeting, but I knew I was "home" right where I belonged and continued attending meetings daily for quite awhile. To this day the things I learned there in those meetings and from wonderful sponsors, etc, my life has been wonderful, and, yes, things still happen, but there is a strength and belief I have in myself that I've never lost, but best of all having my higher power to turn it all over to and find comfort. Also, in Al-Anon, I met my very best friend in the world! She is still so dear to me and we never fail to humbly reflect on how we met. I was her sponsor for years.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I am so encouraged by your words. Thanks for having the courage to change! I'll be back to visit!