I am Weary

I am weary. I started this blog to write about my feelings. To get things out instead of stuffing them. I've been less than regular with my postings. I may be on a new all time high by posting 2 x in the same week. Today I am weary. I am tired of facing alcoholism and all of its inherent crap. I'm tired of taking care of things that I should be able to share with Jack. I'm tired of being thoughtful when I really want to scream. But really - who would I scream at? What would I scream for? Who would hear me? I feel like the answer is no one. No one who could do anything about the problems will hear me. I am trying to work on myself, to accept him where he is right now, and to just focus on what I contribute to the problems. But I'm tired. When you hear about the analogy of your heart being like a bucket, and some people drain your bucket and some people fill it up, I feel like my bucket is EMPTY. I love my children, they are wonderful, the delight of my life, but I am EMPTY. Please higher power, please fill me up.