What Today Looks Like

My days go by so quickly.  I have lots I want to say, but don't take the time to stop and say them.  Today, I'm stopping to say the words.  There has been a lot of adjusting for me lately to a lot of changes.  Change is kind of like that saying, "Lead, Follow or Get out of the Way."  Change, Resist, or Wallow...

LT is doing great at college.  He seems to be thriving.  Just like I knew he would.  He's struggled with one class, decided to change majors, and is picking back up with his creative pursuit next semester.  He's holding down a job and 1/2.  He seems so comfortable in his own skin.  I'm so thankful to see him happy.  I hate that he's 600 miles away, but it's where God wants him for this time, and it is a good place.  He's even been going to church, and it was a really good experience he shared with me when I was there.

Abby seems to be doing better, becoming more independent, and growing in her faith.  It's great to see.  Then she'll have days where she comes over, collapses at our house and sleeps for hours - like she doesn't know how to relax in her own home, so she does it at ours.  Glad that she feels comfortable and can relax with us.

There's miss Maggie.  She's really finding herself.  She's in a local theater production - in a million years, I'd not have imagined her so willing to get up in front of people.  It's awesome to see.  She's driven on her own twice now.  I can't even believe that it is possible.  My baby.  Almost 17.  She's got some teenage attitude, but really, it's minimal. 

Then there's Jack.  He is in his October State of Mind.  Meaning he's heading to the winter depression.  Maybe it's something else, but it happens every year.  At least this year, I'm trying really hard to remember what is true, and what is true is that it's not about me.  Whatever he's going through isn't in my control to change or make better.  So I'm not picking up that responsibility.  It's a good thing.

And me - well, I'm going through a lot.  I miss the days of my young children, but am so thankful for the amazing people they are becoming.  Proud of them and their choices and achievements.  My body is also rebelling.  I am struggling to exercise while dealing with horrible foot pain.  I refuse to stop because I've been following through for 6 weeks now.  I don't want to go backward.  I'm tired of taking medicine for blood pressure, and being tired all the time.  I've been eating better, and losing weight ever so slowly.   My body is officially in the "menopause range" according to a hormone blood test.  Perhaps that is why I cry about half the time and don't want to be around anyone the other half.   Probably why the pounds are creeping off.  At least they are slowly coming off.  My winter clothes fit, so I'm grateful for that.  I want to make beautiful things and be at home, but the whole one kid in college and another headed that way prevents my creative concentration for now.  I feel so depressed, but know there is no reason to feel that way.  I keep getting up and putting one foot in front of the other.  I guess that's all we can do any day.

I just have to keep focused on what God has for me to do in this season.  And he's really good at showing up.  I leave you with my son's photo - gorgeous sight of God's handiwork.