We spend a lot of time focusing on the fact that life with an Alcoholic is crazy, but this craziness has become normal to us. When we start focusing on our own behavior, crazy as well, and trying to normalize our responses to a crazy situation - it has been hard for me to know what Normal looks like. Do you feel like that too? It has been a very rough last four days. While my alcoholic is not drinking daily at the moment, the two days of the weekend when he did, just proves even more that not drinking every day is not curing of alcohoolism. He immediately went right back to old behaviors after the 5th beer (plus sized of course, then he doesn't have to buy the case, thereby rationalizing only 12...and it goes on and on and on...). This time though, I said - good night. It was healthy for me. I think my being not emotional and trying to get him to stop, come to bed, etc. has screwed up his routine, and he has been moping for days. I say whatever. At least for today, right now. I can't control his behavior in any way, I can only control my reactions to him. Maybe it's time for a break from the cycle for me. I hope I can remember my higher power is in control, and I am not. That is a key for me.
Have a good day, and if you come read my random thoughts, please let me know. Prayers for you and my family as well....
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