100th Post!! Who would have thought?

Wow - this is my 100th Post!!  I can't believe it.  I don't write nearly as often as I think of things, nor as often as I'd like to, but here it is, my 100th post.  Most times, it seems that when a blogger reaches 100 posts, they do a give-away or something.  I wonder if I should do that.  Unless you like a knit hat or a baby blanket or something, you'd probably just as soon that I not give away stuff.  I think I'll just do a list of 100 random thoughts.  With numbers, and it may take me a few days, but here we go.

1. There are amazing people in the world who we can "meet" without ever seeing each other.  Interwebs - amazing!
2. It's sometimes easier to reveal yourself to complete strangers than your own family.  My reader(s) are an especially kind and caring bunch.
3. When you look for bad stuff in your life you find it.  And it drags you down.
4. When you look for God's miracles in your life - you see them!  And it gives you hope for another hour or day or minute.
5. When you don't share your thoughts with a caring someone, you continue to believe the lies that bang about inside your head.
6. We treat each other much better than we treat ourselves.  We offer grace, compassion, understanding, forgiveness to neighbors, friends, loved ones.  We often beat ourselves up over our mistakes, shortcomings, choices.  Love yourself as you love your neighbor - that goes both ways!
7. While we are so busy getting through the day, years are blowing by, and with them, children grow up, parents grow older, and we don't recognize it until something stops us in our tracks.  We need to be present in the moment.
8. God is not done with me yet.  I'm not as bad as my last mistake nor am I as good as my last accomplishment.  There's always room for improvement.
9. Trying to fill your heart with stuff, people, things, food, anything other than the God of my understanding will always end in disappointment, and that empty feeling that doesn't go away.
10. When you stop for just a moment, there is beauty - just look!

 

Bleeding Heart 2014 - my very own garden

More to come.....and thank you for reading just this post - or all 100!

Some Things Change...Some Things Stay the Same

I think spring is finally coming.  Not here, but coming.  It's a weird sort of winter we have had, and it makes spring all the more welcome to me!  Things are changing - looking at graduation for LT.  He went to a dance, and held hands with a girl.  I mean seriously - on our couch - in our house - I may have had a small panic attack.  I understand this is normal behavior for 18 y-o boys, but my baby?!!  My boy?!?  No, this is not normal!  LOL - God is working on stretching me.  I got it - But seriously??? I don't think you understand how my mind was blown.  Anyway, that is changing. He has to commit to a college any day, and there's that to look forward to as well.
To the things that stay the same...Jack and his drinking, blame gaming, and childishness.  I am trying to extend grace.  And sometimes I'm better at that than others.  It's just really hard some days, and I let my exasperation show.  Believe me, I'm paying for it.  But, I also have grace shown to me - a reminder of what is in my control and what is not...a reminder of what I can control and what I can't.  So I move on.  Changing slowly, but changing with the grace that comes from a God who is bigger than this life and any trial that comes.
God is good, and I was reminded of that too!  Had a great time at a retreat where God's love overflowed, and it was amazing to see that in the faces and the lives of the women there.

Take one day at a time, and let God do what is His to do.  I have plenty to take care of in my own head. 

Thankfully, I'm still Here & Alive

Wow, I can't believe I disappeared off the radar for so long.  Life has a tendency to do that - get so busy that I just get sucked in and the next thing you know- it's a month later. Wow.  Life goes on here in Wife's world.  Miss Maggie is playing tennis.  She's fantastic but hard on herself.  For not playing since she was 6 years old, I think she's quite fabulous!  I may be a bit partial.  I'm back to work full time.  I'm very thankful for my job and co-workers, but I miss all that time to do things at home.  Ah well, such a good problem to have.
Abby is working!!  At a job she went to school for!!  It is temporary, but a good start.  Hurray.  Now, on to a permanent assignment.  Baby-steps. That is the key.
LT has been taking college board tests.  He's doing amazingly well.  Further proof that he is smarter than his grades lead you to believe.  I wonder if I've hurt him by being exposed to Jack and his criticism.  Well, I'm just being miss honesty and forthrightness today.  Hummmmm.  Still, in this world, I like to see the good.  How can I make the world a better place?  I'm starting with my space in the corner of the universe.  Lord, help me see what is good right here and now.
I have more in my head to write, but I'm going to go for now.  I hope everyone is having a great day and that you can see the Sun!!

A brief rant, and some Joy

I've decided that growing up, we must have been lucky to survive to adulthood.  Some of the people I'm around today, seriously, get a life.  You are 21 years old, life isn't always neat and pretty.  People aren't always nice. Things don't always go your way.  Grow up and get on with it. 
This rant was brought to you by the evil stepmother. Thank you for your understanding!
ARRGGHHH!

Okay, now that I have that out of the way, carry on.  I love spring, and I'm so glad that everything is blooming.  Lilacs!!  Woo hoo, everywhere.  I have such great friends, and have "met" some fabulous internet people.  God is good, and Joy is where we look for it.  I love this saying, "Joy is always a function of gratitude and gratitude is always a function of perspective.  If we are going to change our lives, what we're going to have to change is the way we see." Ann Voskamp

I'm going to be purposeful today in seeing Joy.  I hope you have some visible to you as well.

One Day at a Time

Have I already had a post with this title? Maybe so, but I need another one. I guess what they say is true. As long as the alcoholic still drinks, the disease progresses. Ironically, it seems that the disease is also cyclical in nature. We are back to the place where he's trolling the internet, this time with a fake name, and trying to get someone else to see who he thinks he is. See the lies he believes. Someone who hasn't seen the alcohol. Oops - this time, it seems he went to lunch with someone who had a good radar and figured out he was lying...and worked with someone who is friends with me....uh-oh. So they figured it out, and thankfully I have honest, caring friends.
Now you may be thinking -why the hell don't you just get out of there?? Well, that would be easier if it was just me. But there are the kiddos. The ones who love him too - when he's not being the alcoholic. The ones who only know this man as their father. The ones who've had a previous father who was less than human. Besides, I'm finally in a place where I realize that all this drinking, madness, craziness really isn't about me. Yesterday the sun was gorgeous, the day was beautiful. The kids and I got lots done outside that had been put off because of the great tundra-like weather. I saw that hope again. Hope not as the world gives, but hope from God.
Don't worry- I will address this latest issue. With God's strength, help, and words - and TIMING. But I will not give in to the disease. Guilt is my disease, and when it starts talking, I'm choosing to not listen.
Spring is here, and like it or not alcoholism, I'm not leaving. For today.